I Could Lie
by BelleLane
Summary: Sharpay doesn't want Troy. Really, she doesn't! So, why does she have to talk herself out of being with him?


Title: I Could Lie

Author: RomysLOve

Disclaimer: As much as I wished I owned Sharpay, I really don't. These characters are the sole property of Disney and those brilliants creators of HSM. Well, at least until I gather enough money to buy them! Tootles!

Summary: Oneshot. Sharpay bitterly reflects on the subject of love and Troy's newfound feelingsfor her. A Troypay, but mostly Sharpay-centered.

A/N: This is my first fic so I'm really nervous and excited about finally posting it on here. I'm such a huge Troypay fan and I'm really glad that I got to share this with them. Anyways, criticism is welcome. Anything that will make my writing better for you guysfor later fics. Please, please review! I'm really curious to see what you guys think! I have a sequel planned and if there'senough interest, I might just post a little somethingtomorrow! Enjoy!

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**I Could Lie**

Why must he be so, so, so…..Troy? If it was any other guy, I would have just broken his pathetic little heart already. I mean honestly, Sharpay Evans, Ice Queen of East High, does _not _fall in love. Psshh, love! Love is nothing more than some insignificant, second-hand, emotional parasite that prides itself in creating lots of chaos and confusion in the lives of the people it infects. People who fall in love are weak, they're ignorant and gullible, and they're just begging to get hurt. I'm sorry, but I am in no way any of those things. Love, among many other emotions, is utterly beneath me, not to mention a huge waste of time. Not even the divine Basketball King can change that.

Who does that Bolton think he is anyway, staring at me like that? Not that I can completely blame him though, I am breathtakingly hott. Still, those sweet and captivatingly cute glances he keeps throwing my way are a little unnerving. Especially considering the minute I turn around and "catch" him admiring me, he immediately puts his head down and blushes. I have to admit, pink is a good color on Troy; then again, that boy could wear a brown sack and still manage to look good.

Anyway, it's not like I object to being worshipped and adored! In fact, I've gotten pretty used to it by now, what with being the star of each season musical and the shining inspiration to my fellow drama club members. What, can I help it if I'm extremely talented and deserving? Except, well, being waited on hand and foot by mindless and fearful drama drones is slightly different when compared to that of a guy who would cater to your every little need simply because he **_wanted_** to. But who am I to complain? I'm rich, I'm gorgeous, and I have a fantastic, though sort of dorky, brother and best friend. I also reign over East High and I'm rightfully respected because of it.

Fear. Respect. Same difference, as far as my inner drama queen is concerned. It may not be so pleasant to watch how all dignity seems to disappear the second I walk into a room and people scatter, squirm, and cower, but I have to deal. If I wanted to be well-liked, and dare I say it, **loved**, then I'd be busy preparing myself for a world of disappointment. Love takes no prisoners; it's always all or nothing. It takes, takes, and takes until all that is left of you is a pathetic shell whose soul purpose in life is to mope around and be pitied. You sacrifice your happiness and surrender all control, you give your whole heart and risk the chance of getting it handed back to you chewed up and in pieces. I'm sure you can sympathize with me when I say I'd just rather not deal with that pain.

Ryan is the only person in my entire life who has ever really loved me. He's the only person who can understand why I choose to be the cold, confident Sharpay on the outside, and never reveal the insecure, lonely girl on the inside. I don't regret not having more caring people in my life; on the other hand, there haven't been that many who've bothered to get to know me better.

Well, sure, there have been countless guys typically, and might I say irresistibly, drawn in by my looks and charm, but it's all a matter of time with them. They're easily discouraged by my continued lack of interest and their many failed attempts at melting my ever icy exterior.

By now, you've realized that I'm not one for allowing people too deep inside. Even scratching the surface is sometimes going a little too far for me. Shutting people out is my only effective defense mechanism and so far, it's worked very well. I don't particularly enjoy being so horrible to everybody, half the time the things I say and do make me cringe in shame, but it's the way I've always been. If people knew what I was really like, it would be the complete downfall of every wall I've worked so hard to build. I can't just give them up for something as petty as love. He's not worth it. He's just…..**not. **

Now, it's up to me let him know, but for some reason I wish I didn't have to.

Troy, you deserve so much better than me. You're the kinda guy who would never be embarrassed to hold my hand in the halls, despite my reputation. You would leave bouquets of lilies in my locker because I told you they were my favorite. You'd rush to the store and buy me cartons of chocolate-chip cookie dough ice cream whenever it was that "time of the month" and I desperately craved something sweet. You would hold me safely in your arms if I was ever brave enough to actually cry in front of you. You'd tell that me I'm beautiful even though I just drooled all over shoulder and have the most awful looking morning-hair. You would make cheesy jokes and goofy faces just to put a smile on my face.

You'd skip basketball practice, even though your dad would kill you, just so you could sneak over to the auditorium and watch me rehearse. You'd stay there until it was over and then run up to the stage and tell me how wonderful I was. Every musical, you would arrive extra early because you know you can see me better from that front-row, center seat. Sometimes, on opening night, you'll sneak into my dressing room with a new stuffed animal and a sweet kiss on the cheek for good luck. You'd always have something fun and exciting planned for us because "everyday with me is a special occasion." We'd be sitting under the stars in the park when you'd kiss the top of my head and tell me how much you love me, and then wait for me to say it back.

But I wouldn't. And it would devastate you.

I'm so sorry Troy. You're the last person who I ever wanted to get hurt because I refuse to give into something that I can't understand. I know it's selfish and I might end up breaking your heart, but I'm willing to take that chance. I hope you understand why I'm doing this. It's not in any way your fault, you've just had the misfortune of falling for someone who can't and who's not ready to love you back.

This whole time, I've talked about love not being worthy of me and on some level, that is true. Ice queens are incapable of feeling and if I wasn't one, I certainly wouldn't be able to do to Troy what I'm going to do right now. But I will. I could lie to you and say maybe love isn't really worth the pain, because it's what you would expect me to do. Surprisingly, I won't. Something that I didn't expect to happen has happened. I've finally figured out the reason why I'm so frightened to love and the thought of it terrifies even more.

I've deceived myself into believing that love isn't good enough for me, but the truth is, I'm really the one who's not good enough to be loved.


End file.
